10 Myths That You Don’t Know About Marriage- Advice given by Dr. Brent A. Barlow
Before you get married, you obviously dream about the perfect relationship, and when you got to your wedding day, everyone told you a lot of tips and tricks about how to keep your marriage together. However, they probably also told you a lot of myths about marriage that really are not true, but are often generally accepted. Knowing these myths can help you avoid problems with your marriage, boost communication, and keep love alive. Here are ten common marriage myths and what is actually true.
Myth 1: Marriage Always Changes a Person
The Truth: Marriage does not always change people. In fact, many times what you see is what you get. This is why it is best to really know a person before you tie the knot. If you think marriage will change a bad attitude, laziness, narcissism, or overspending; then you may need to reevaluate why you want to get married.
Myth 2: You Should Not Tell Your Spouse about Negative Feelings
The Truth: If you do not tell your spouse about negative feeling or attitudes then the feelings may not improve. If you are having issues in the relationship or even outside, it is best to bring these feelings to light. Why? This goes back to having good communication. Communication means that you will be able to talk freely about issues within the relationship and find closure to negative feelings, bad attitudes, or other relationship problems.
Myth 3: You Will Always Agree
The Truth: You will never always agree with anyone in your life, your spouse included. If you do not accept this you will never be able to move past arguments or small disagreements. In fact, thinking that you two should always agree may actually hurt the relationship when you don’t.
Myth 4: Marriage Will Always Make You Feel Complete
The Truth: Many people think that their spouse is going to be the one thing that makes their life complete and whole. However, this is not always the case. Marriage and love is only one piece in the puzzle called life; you need other things as well such as family, friends, and fulfilling work in order to have a complete life. Yes, marriage is a piece of this but relying only on marriage will not mean that you have a complete life or that you will always feel complete.
Myth 5: The More Shared Activities, the Better the Relationship
The Truth: This is definitely not true. There will be times when you need space to be by yourself or with friends. Spending too much time together can make even the little things seem annoying or even exciting activities seem mundane. No, you shouldn’t go off for days at a time, but going off periodically for a night on your own or having an activity just for yourself is not a bad thing.
Myth 6: Being in Love Means There Will Always Be Romance
The Truth: Romance and love are not the same thing. Romance is the showing of love, while love itself is unseen. Just because you no longer go on fancy dinners, buy gifts, or shower your spouse with PDA does not mean that there is not love. Sometimes as a marriage progresses, it just becomes harder to show the love than you truly have for your loved one.
Myth 7: If You Have to Work on a Marriage, Something is Wrong
The Truth: No relationship is ever going to be perfect, and when a relationship transitions into marriage, there are many new problems that can arise. Because of this there will always work that needs to be done; even after decades together. If you don’t acknowledge this, you can have small issues in your marriage that can turn into something more serious.
Myth 8: You Can Change Their Patterns of Behavior
The Truth: Many people get set in their ways and do not like to change their behaviors or routines. Just because you get married doesn’t mean that your spouse won’t bring in routines or behaviors from their single life that you aren’t fond of. Accept that there is going to be a transition time for both of you.
Myth 9: Who you Marry is More Important Than When you Marry Them
The Truth: There is some truth behind the phrase “right person, wrong timing.” Yes, commitment, passion, and intimacy are all important to a marriage and if you have all those things it should be able to work. However, that isn’t always the case. If you marry someone when you aren’t financially secure, or are still living with your parents, or are very immature then you may not be able to make the marriage last. If it is the right person, they’ll wait for the right timing.
Myth 10: Being a Housewife is a Waste of Potential
The Truth: Taking care of kids and a home can be just as demanding as having a full-time job. In fact, a spouse that takes care of the house responsibilities work 7 days a week, nearly 24 hours a day, and rarely get a day off. They deal with sick kids, a dirty house, cooking, homework, and many more small things that quickly add up to one big responsibility. Being a stay at home parent takes a lot of skill and dedication to the family. Don’t look down on your spouse just because they would rather stay at home than be in an office from 9-5; it’s a much harder job than you may think.
Now that you know these 10 marriage myths you will be able to avoid them and take steps toward a healthy marriage. Just make sure that you are not expecting miracles from your marriage. Accept that you will have to work on your marriage and that there will be a transition time for you and your spouse.
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